Umjolo: There Is No Cure 2025 Movie Review
The Umjolo franchise is probably one of the worst things Netflix has ever hosted on its platform, and if you are familiar with Netflix’s “high quantity, low quality” business model, you can imagine how bad this film series needs to be for me to say that. The South African IP is entirely centered around concepts like love, relationships, cheating, and promiscuity. In the first installment, The Gone Girl, we saw Lethu and Lucky getting engaged and then coming to the realization that while Lethu wanted monogamy, Lucky was interested in an open relationship, thereby leading to a variety of complications. Day Ones was centered around one of Lethu’s friends, Zanele, whose affair with her friend Andile caused the latter’s family life to come apart at the seams. My Beginning, My End! focused on two of Lethu’s clients, Mayi and Sizwe, who were about to marry each other, but then Mayi fell in love with a saxophonist named Zweli. And its latest entry, There Is No Cure, features Zweli’s friend Nana and her tryst with Thoko. So, yes, points to the franchise for continuity and interconnectivity, but has this sapphic romance redeemed its reputation to some degree? Let’s find out.
Mthunzi Dubazana’s Umjolo: There is No Cure, written by Thuli Zuma, tells the story of Thoko, the first openly lesbian Miss South Africa, who was up for the title of Miss Universe. But after losing out to Miss Kenya, Thoko appears on a hugely popular podcast and accuses the winner of sleeping with one of the judges in order to snatch the crown (or is it a tiara?) away from her. This damages Thoko’s reputation and puts her manager, Buhle (who is the sister of Sizwe), in a sticky situation. Yet, when Thoko is kicked out of her house, Buhle lets her stay at her place, and she entertains Thoko by taking her to the book signing of her favorite author, Liana Ndlovu, who just so happens to be Nana, Zweli’s best friend. Since Nana is an introvert, she doesn’t actually show up for the event, and when she gets the chance to meet Thoko, because the fashionista wants to publish a book on her Miss Universe experience, Nana lies about her identity and says that she is actually Liana’s assistant. Luckily, Nana and Thoko hit it off almost instantly, but when the time is right, Nana doesn’t tell Thoko that she likes her. So, Thoko ends up gravitating towards Chef Sindi for personal and professional reasons, leaving Nana in the lurch.
Thuli Zuma’s writing in Umjolo: There is No Cure is so bland and boring that it’d put an insomniac to sleep. But given how this is the sequel to four awful movies, it’s actually a relief that the film is so predictable and uninventive. In the name of being provocative and exploring the most risqué romances in South Africa, Zuma has peddled truckloads of sexism and internalized misogyny throughout her franchise. Even though her female protagonists do get some kind of a win at the end, that illusion of a progressive idea is dwarfed by the mountains of regressive opinions that precede it. So, after enduring all that, watching a pretty straightforward romantic drama about unrequited love, heartbreak, disillusionment, and finally, a cathartic reunion is satisfactory. Both Nana and Thoko actually feel like real people with relatable flaws, unlike the characters from Zuma’s previous films, who are like chaotic ghouls masquerading as humans. Thoko and Sindi’s relationship seems like a relevant commentary on the reality of romance between influencers. And it has a happy ending. That’s more than what I expect from an Umjolo movie at this point.
The Umjolo franchise has never been synonymous with the word “filmmaking.” Yes, technically, every entry in this “cinematic” series is a movie, but the use of camera, the editing, and just the general visual storytelling are worse than a video essay produced by a YouTube channel that’s about, well, cinema. Heck, a lot of YouTubers who solely make Shorts have more creativity than these “films.” I always assume that’s due to budgetary constraints, but then I look at the locations and costumes, which look expensive, and think that maybe Mthunzi Dubazana (or all the other directors who have helmed an Umjolo movie) didn’t have his priorities straight. I’m sure he and his team could’ve been more frugal with the production design, set design, and costume design, and invested more in all the other departments, especially cinematography and editing. By the way, and not to sound like a prude, but I’m glad that There is No Cure doesn’t have as much graphic sex as its predecessors. The previous films spent all their time finding excuses to get their actors naked. This one takes its time to build up to even a kissing scene. Yes, that’s a low bar to clear; however, I’ll appreciate it so that, if we get more entries in this franchise, the makers will hopefully strive to do better.
Despite my hatred for this franchise, I’ll admit that the actors always do a good job. Busisiwe Mtshali is undoubtedly the best of the lot. I mean, she has acting chops that can rival some of the most talented actors out there. She has a legitimate screen presence. Her comic timing is amazing. And the ease with which she tears up, it’ll get you emotional even if you haven’t been paying attention to the story. There’s a theory on the internet that every Jordan Peele film needs to have a scene where an actor produces a single tear during an incredibly tense situation; if that’s true, someone should get Mtshali in touch with Peele, or whoever is casting for his next film. Londeka Sishi is great too. Her chemistry with Mtshali is sweet. The manner in which she expresses the fact that Thoko’s world is being turned upside down is perfect. Tina Redman gets to do a lot more here than in the film that was centered around her character’s family for some reason, which is not a complaint. Redman and Sishi’s scenes are really wholesome and kind of set a precedent for every client-manager relationship. The rest of the supporting cast is alright.
